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Dear Hollywood.
I’ve been meaning to write this letter for quite some time, since the Beeb turned 18. After watching the VMA’s and Miley Cyrus last night, I decided enough was enough, it’s time for DAD to take over.
I have been elected the DAD of Hollywood (my son and dog both voted me in) if you are not going to raise your children and give them some small semblance of a moral compass, then I will be happy to step in and do the job that the parents of Hollywood have ignored for way too long.
Most parents have joked at one time or another “when they turn 18, they are on their own, I am throwing them out and changing the locks.” For the most part that’s what it is, a joke, except it seems in Hollywood.
When a boy or girl star reaches 18 in Hollywood, they are given official license to act like a complete sociopathic imbecile. These kids and yes at 18 they are still kids, go from sugar and spice to re-hab and boob tattoo’s over night. What does Hollywood do? They celebrate it, with parties, magazine covers and Oprah specials.
These are children , who have no rules, running amok doing whatever they feel, when ever they feel like it, apparently unaware of any sort of consequence, like baby vampires constantly looking to feed (God I miss True Blood). These little monsters feed off attention and press, when that starts to dry up, they quickly turn to negative attention, which in turn gives them press.
Beeb’s my little man, you are not tough, in the slightest, you are not bad and you are not strong. Take away the body guards, put you in any gym class USA and you are the last picked for dodge ball.
Billy Rae you should receive the VMA for the worst DAD of the year. Your child is not a brand, she is a child and needs more guidance than, “spike your hair, gyrate on stage half nude and you will get a million new Twitter followers.”
Believe it or not, when some kids turn 18, their parents guide then towards higher education, the military or a job that will help them build a skill. Not a collection of DUI’s, saggy pants and bar fights.
Miley Your Punishment- You made some very bad choices. I know you are 20 years old, but honey, you have a long way to go and DAD wants to make sure you are taking care of future Miley, setting a good foundation for her. So, young lady, you are going straight to the GAP with a $150 dollar budget. You have to find four, yes 4 things to wear that do not show nipple, ass crack or vag.
Don’t give me that look young lady. Believe it or not most 20 year old girls, do not walk around with clothes that highlight their vag and boob tattoo. You can do this.
Wait, get back here and quit rolling your eyes. Once you are done there, you have to go to the local high school (that’s the place where kids learn stuff) and sit in on a health class for two weeks. Starving yourself to be skeleton thin is not sexy or healthy, you need a few tips on nutrition and body awareness.
Ok. Go. Report back to me with your choices.
As you know it takes a village to keep your 100 million dollar child out of re-hab, so I will be calling on my other DAD friends as well as MOMs to help me get these kids back into shape and off of TMZ.
As the new DAD of Hollywood, I will be checking in and making sure things are on the up and up and yes, handing out punishments from time to time. Billy Rae, Mrs. Bieber, feel free to call me at any time for advice and ideas on how to keep your kids out of re-hab or worse yet Branson, Missouri.
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