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A Conversation with my four year old while we were playing in the backyard.
Son– Dad can I have a blow job?
Me- What! No! Where did you hear that word?
Son– I heard you asking mom for a blow job in the car and now I want one too?
Me– I thought you were watching Space Buddies in the car.
Son– I was, but you were asking mom so nicely, you even said please.
Me– Well son, you can’t have a blow job.
Son-Plllleeaaase can I have a blow job!!! Singing at the top of his lungs– Blow job, blow job, I want a blow job, bllloooooww job!!!!
Me– Knock it off.
Son– I said please. Please can I have a blow job?
My Mind– Trust me begging doesn’t work. Roses does and every once in a while a foot rub, but begging never works.
Me-Sorry buddy. You can’t. Enough of this.
Son– If you won’t give me a blow job, can I get one from mom?
My Mind- Not unless you get her drunk first
Me- No buddy, let’s talk about something else.
Son– Did mom give you a blow job dad.
My Mind- No, it wasn’t my birthday, Father’s Day or the Finals of the Bachelor.
Me-No in fact she didn’t. Now let’s stop talking about this!
Son- Mom won’t give me or you a blow job, she’s not very nice. I am going to put her in time out and spank her.
My Mind- Let your freak flag fly my friend.
Me- Buddy, it’s not for little kids and I want to stop talking about this.
Son- I’m a big kid. I didn’t pee on the walls once this week. If I eat all my dinner, then can I have a blow job.
My Mind- I wonder if that logic would work?
Me– You have to be an adult. I’m done talking about this.
Son- Does Poppa get to have a blow job, he’s an adult.
My Mind- I just threw up in my mouth! Gross! Make it stop.
Me– It’s time for us to talk about something else!
Son– So when I am an adult I can have a blow job.
My Mind- As long as you’re not married to a girl from Highland Park.
Me- Hey you want to watch Caillou!
Son– Yes!!!! Then can I have a blow job!
My Mind- You have to watch Dancing With the Stars for that.
Me– Let’s go watch TV.
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