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Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are the proud parents of a new baby girl(as of Sunday night, her name has yet to be disclosed, but insiders say it will be released at the launch of her new fragrance line).
Being a new parent is hard work. As Kim and Kanye embark on this life long (tee hee) journey together(tee hee) as parents, we wanted to share some tips to help them through those first hard weeks.
Savings– It is estimated that an instate tuition for a California college in 2027 will range between $85,000 and $100,000 per year. Most parents start a savings account for their kids immediately after they are born to help with the cost of college.
Keeping the family tradition of educational excellence alive, it’s doubtful college is in little Fadunkadunks plans, but it is still important for the new parents to save for DUI’s, bail, re-hab, several weddings and of course a producer for a solid sex tape when she turns 18. They don’t want to skimp on the lighting.
Setting a solid foundation for the future- Most importantly, secure the proper Twitter handle. Jaden Smith has over 4 million followers, so the pressure is on for the parents to start out now, before a lesser stars kid passes her up.
Finding the right PR team and publicist is important. Those initial Tweets are key to building a good following “#Pooped all over the Chanel, Nanny looks pissed. #the help is funny”
Sleep Training– As any parent will tell you, a fussy baby is the worst, it throws everything off. In an effort to help babies get used to becoming solid sleepers, parents resort to crazy tactics, including running the vacuum cleaner while the baby is napping, so they can get used to the noise.
For Kim and Kanye a good way sleep train their daughter is to have the nanny drop her off at “da club” in “da VIP” area and cry is out until she is asleep. Not only will this help make her a more solid sleeper, but it will also introduce her to all the right bouncers and DJ’s in the area.
Breast Feeding– Many new moms worry about if the baby will take to breast feeding and “latch on.” Let’s face it Kim has a lot to latch on to. Equally as important to latching on, most new moms are self conscious about breast feeding in public. It’s a natural thing and something Kim shouldn’t hesitate to do when little Rainbow Sherbet is hungry.
A good thing to remember is make sure your make up team and stylist have you looking “like a mommy” for the paparazzi.
Hiring the right modeling coach to make sure her baby has the right expression on her face while eating is vital. Nobody wants to see a slobbery, suckling baby on those silicone milk rockets gracing the cover of US , Ebony or People.
Diapers! On an average a new born baby goes through 300 diapers in their first month! It can become overwhelming.
Luckily Kim and Kanye are mostly full of $hit, so this should be no big deal. Remember to have the nanny pack the limo with additional wipes, clothes and diapers. Nobody wants to see a poop stain on the red carpet of the VMA’s.
That kind of humiliation could keep little Moon Shadow Eucalyptus out of a good play group and stuck playing with Jay Cutlers kid instead of Jay Z’s. Nobody needs that in their life.
Armed wit these tips, we are sure that Kim and Kanye will make great parents… I’m sorry I can’t do this. Let’s all take a second and pray for little Milk Dud and hope that her reality show has good ratings.
Amen.
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