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I tell DAD jokes at the dinner table. My favorite is “What’s blue and goes unk, unk??? A blue unk unk!!” For years this joke would crack up my oldest daughter and start a round of corny jokes at the dinner table.
Last year I busted out the Unk Unk joke and everything changed.
My twelve year old daughter cut me off and said, “I have a joke dad.”
I was thrilled, maybe she would go with “What’s green and goes Unk, Unk!!” Let the jokes begin.
My baby, my first born, my princess looked up at me and asked “What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?”
With that my wife did a spit take and her eyes popped out of her head. I tried to remain calm and asked, “What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?”
The girl I used to rock to sleep in my arms and kiss her boo boo’s looked up at me and said “ a Lickalottapuss!”
It was a good joke and my initial reaction was to laugh. As I was laughing, I looked over at my wife, who was in fact not laughing at all. She had her “ it’s time to talk about stuff “ look on her face, which meant it was time to talk about stuff, with our daughter!
The jokes ended and the “conversation” began. “Where did you hear that joke?” My wife asked.
“On the playground.”
“Stupid playground” was my thought. “They should have two playgrounds. One for kids with older siblings who know all the “stuff” and one for my daughter!”
Homosexuality is not a foreign thing to my kids. Our son’s godfather is gay, we have a gay uncle a gay cousin and plenty of gay friends. I had a neighbor come out to me before her parents, we support gay rights in every way. I Just didn’t want to talk to my “baby” about it! Though it has never been directly pointed out, they know that Uncle Todd and Uncle Kyle live together.
Now the chips were on the table. We were jumping right into a conversation about sexuality and more. “Goodie!”
My wife had the reigns, “ Do you know what gay means?”
“Yes,” was all that my daughter said.
“Tell us, what does it mean?” my wife asked.
“Tell us!” was my thought. “Why the hell does she have to tell us! She said yes, let’s leave it at that! Back to the knock knock jokes!”
She explained it very simply “It’s like when a man and a man are in love or the same thing with women.” Then went back to eating.
Nothing about sex, or lube, or toys or glory holes, just “love.” Cool, now we can end this.” I thought.
“You know it’s OK to be gay.” My wife continued. “If you’re gay, we will love you just the same.”
“What was happening!” We went from jokes to this!” “What’s our next conversation, the best way to French kiss? How to slam a pitcher! She’s twelve for God sake! Make this stop!!”
“ I know, My daughter said between chews.
My wife had to press on. “Are you gay honey?”
“That’s it! I am officially praying to you God, make the building come down on my head, now, now, now!” I prayed in silence. ” I really didn’t want to be having this conversation.”
“Nope, I like boys” she said. “Can we stop taking about this now.” She asked calmly.
“Wait when did she start to like boys! What is happening to my world!!! Now we have to talk about that!
Being the one to make sure that every T is crossed, my wife went on. “If you are, or if you ever have any questions, we are her for you, always.”
“ I know, you guys are. You both say that all the time, you love me no matter what””
That was the end. There were no tears, she didn’t bust out her rainbow scrnuchy and start blasting the Indigo Girls, Jesus didn’t appear and kill us all. We talked to our kid about homosexuality. We had a difficult adult conversation with our child, we approached it openly and honestly and it went well.
The playground may do a lot of the “prep work” for you, however it’s up to us, as parents to take the ball the rest of the way.
Keeping things simple and straightforward may seem nerve wrecking, but it pretty easy. It’s not easy to talk to our kids about sex, drugs, sex, drinking and a litany of other topics, however once you start, calmly and openly, you will be surprised how easy it becomes.
Legalizing marijuana, gay marriage, our world is changing. It doesn’t matter what you think about these topics and others, they are out there and will in fact get in front of your kids one way or another.
I have had talks with our daughter about drugs, sex, boys, drinking and more. Though they may be a bit uncomfortable, she knows I am willing to talk about them and I am someone to turn to and someone she can trust.
Establishing that trust early on, is something I know that will come in handy when she is faced with life decisions. I end every conversation the same way, over and over and over again. “You know we are always here for you and will always love you, no matter what, no matter where you are or what time of day, we are there for you 100%, we love you.”
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