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DAD and mom are on vacation!
That’s right, no kids, we’re at a posh resort in Palm Springs with a pool that doesn’t allow anyone under 18 and a room without a baby monitor, dog toys, Legos, monster trucks or any kind of kid show on the DVR.
We are free and have five glorious days to act like humans, sleep late, take walks, take naps, talk without being interrupted, sleep, eat in restaurants without a kids meal, write without having to stop to wipe a butt and sleep.
It’s our first time away in over 20 months! The last time we went away, mom announced she was pregnant and the “fun” vacation turned into a relaxing, quiet “get away.”
Saturday after wandering around Palm Springs, hitting a random taco joint and laying by the pool, I was ready for a relaxing dinner and bed. Mom had different plans.
While I played on Facebook mom was “getting ready.” When she emerged from the bathroom, mom had on a sparkly dress and her red heels. I had on a fried chicken t-shirt and shorts. Mom looked at me and said “get ready now, we are going out!”
DAD Rule #234- When your wife comes out of the bathroom in the sparkly dress and red heels, you do what she says and as fast as possible!
Within five minutes I had on my new Joe’s jeans(most comfortable jeans I have ever worn) a cool shirt and we were on our way to the trendiest restaurant in Palm Springs, Trio. The time 7:00 Pacific, 9:00 Central.
By 7:30 Pacific, 9:30 Central we were sitting at the bar, sipping fancy drinks with cool names, feeling and looking cool. We didn’t need wipes, diapers or Cheerios, we were adults, in love and having fun. Our drained batteries were filling back up again.
Mom announced after this, we are heading out to club XYZ, “I want to dance and have fun.”
DAD Rule #786– When your wife in the red heels and sparkly dress who has been drinking fancy drinks announces she wants to dance and have fun, you say “yes,” it can only end good for you.
8:30 Pacific, 10:30 Central– We were enjoying a great dinner with ingredients other than ketchup and ranch dressing. As we ate outside under a palm tree, we talked, we laughed and also got the names of two great clubs to go dancing.
9:15 Pacific, 11:15 Central- After a several fancy drinks with cool names and an amazing dinner we were headed out to dance the night away. As we walked into Club XYZ, I watched my wife in front of me, wishing that there was a “slow motion button” in the real world, so I could take in every beautiful movement in her sparkly dress and red heels. She looked amazing and I was feeling ready to party the night away.
The moment didn’t last too long as we made our way into the club and were the only customers there. A doorman told us “the place doesn’t get crackin’ until 11:00 or so, come back then.”
Not discouraged, we moved our plan around, we headed to the other club to dance, have a few drinks and then we would return to hit Club XYZ and dance the night away. Problem is, club #2 was exactly like Club XYZ, empty.
It was 9:30 Pacific, 11:30 Central and we now had an hour and a half to kill before we could start to hang out and dance. Then “it” happened, “the yawn.” “Honey, I am a little tired and my feet are killing me, let’s head back to the hotel bar and dance there.” Mom said after “the yawn.”
By Central time standards, we were rock stars it was minutes from midnight! By Pacific time zone we were rookies who came out of the gate too quickly.
No worries, we are staying at a cool resort and the “club” at the resort is called BluEmber!!! They spell blue “Blu,” it has to be awesome and tragically hip. Game delayed, but still on.
10:00 Pacific, 12:00 Central we walked towards Blu Ember!!! With a new sense of party purpose. Now we could have more fun, because we were on our own home turf, we were going to….yaaaawn! My turn. “Sorry babe, I’m good,” I gasped as we walked into BluEmber!!!
BluEmber must stand for the color of the clienteles’ hair. We walked in, the lounge singer was belting out Donna Summer’s hit from 1809 “On The Radio” as the one man band with the Hawaiian shirt and grey pony tail backed her up. The only seats available that didn’t have wheels and oxygen tanks attached were rocking chairs by an outdoor fireplace.
10:30 Pacific, 12:30 Central- The red heels fell to the floor of the bar and moms feet went up next to the fire as she sipped her water and lemon, the lounge singer was breaking down her gear, because they are not allowed to make noise after 10:15PM. It was over; we had been bested by time and now sat amongst the old and tired starting at the fire, beaten.
Yawn #12 kicked in as I looked at my beautiful, tired wife. “Come on babe let’s go to bed.” As we got up to walk back to our room one of the blue hairs stopped us “do you want me to take your picture, you two look so great, is this your honeymoon?” She asked. “Enjoy it now, once you have kids you can’t stay out late like this whopping it up!”
We were tool old to go clubbing.
11:00 Pacific, 1:00 Central- We are in bed, “Hey babe, it’s 11:00, you want to go dancing?” I ask with my eyes half shut. Mom gets out of bed, does a dance move, falls back in bed and sighs, “woo hoo.” Make up gone, hair in a pony tail , the red heels are on the floor and the sparkly dress is hanging in the closet, replaced by a t-shirt and shorts.
We are not defeated though, the nice lady with the blue hair was right, we did whoop it up. Did we make it to “the club?” Nope, but we had our version of fun, not dictated by anyone but us. I had an amazing time with my beautiful wife that I won’t soon forget.
As I fall asleep I say to mom, “thank you for a great night, I am the luckiest guy in the world.”
“Don’t you forget it.” Answers mom as she rolls over and falls asleep.
DAD Rule # 3– “Happy wife, happy life.”
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