Several years ago I was in a mall in Odessa, Texas and they had a giant sized Ten Commandments right in the middle of the mall, because a playground would have been weird.
Anyway as I sat and ate my churro, I read all of the commandments, I realized I had in fact only broken two of them, which for anyone is a pretty good year.
This year is a little bit different. In the Lenten season, I wanted to check up on how my soul was stacking up and come to find out I have in fact broken each and every one of the Ten Commandments.
Below is DADs breakdown of how I managed to break all of the Ten Commandments:
- Thou shalt have no other gods before me- Yea, I have more Chicago Bears paraphernalia than religious stuff in our home. Any given Sunday, I will pick football over church. I don’t pray to the Bears, but I pray I pray to God about them a LOT.- Broken!
- Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. – Please, I would trade the five year old for a Bose Sound Bar and sub woofer or Sub Zero Fridge and granite counter tops.
- Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain- I think this one shouldn’t even count anymore. You try driving in traffic, behind a 22 year old Trixie (Google it) who is texting while she is weaving and going 42 MPH and try not to drop the ol’ GD.
- Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy- I am half Jewish and half Catholic and the only thing I do less than go to a house of worship is floss.
- Honour thy father and thy mother- I’m good with my parents, however, Mother in Law, you know, we, well, you know, she, I mean, without getting into details, let’s just call this one broken.
- Thou shalt not kill- I have not actually killed anyone, but in the world of social media, I have un-friended and un-followed people and that could kill their Klout score, so, I’m counting it.
- Thou shalt not commit adultery.– Two words, Red Tube, does that count?
- Thou shalt not steal.- This is a tough one, with a toddler, he always manages to grab something and get it to the car before I notice it. The right thing would be to bring it back, but it’s cold and the door to the store is like 75 feet away. Though, I haven’t stolen anything myself, I am an accomplice.
- Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor- The Douchey Dad Down the street. Everything he does and says makes me insane. He was over and when I asked what are you drinking, he said “white wine.” What guy does that! You’re supposed to say, “what’da’ya got?” or “whatever you’re having.” White Wine! Come on!
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife- Natalie Morales is not technically my neighbor, but she does come into our house everyday to deliver the new and ooofff, those boots and that hair. Coveting is a great way to start any day.
Realistically, this may be as good as I get. If I try and I mean try I can maybe go 8-10 next year, but Natalie Morales is going to have to take a sabbatical or start dressing like Ellen for that to happen. How many Commandments have you broken this year.
Any post with Red Tube is awesome!