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The other day, “the boy” and I were hanging out and he said to me “dad, when I grow up I want to be a stay at home dad.”
My response was the same to pretty much anything he says, “ you can be anything you want to, if you believe in yourself.”
In my head a series of weird alarms and conversations began. “My son wants to be a stay at home dad?” Who grows up wanting to be a stay at home dad? Might as well spend his college fund on that Tesla I want, if that’s what he truly wants to do.” How is he going to meet girls, how is he going to survive in the world, if he aspires to stay at home! That just doesn’t work for men.”
Wait! Before all you dad bloggers go all kinds of nuts in the private dad groups about what a turn coat a-hole I am, let it breathe for a sec.
Is the world ready for guys who aspire to be “stay at home dads?” In a society where girls are looked down upon for saying “I want to be a mommy when I grow up,” can you imagine what the reaction would be to young boys saying the equivalent?
Let’s jump 12 years into the future when he’s in college at a party and a group of girls are talking about him “stay away from that one he’s here for a “Mr” degree. All he wants to do is have kids and stay at home. You can tell by his lame major.”
The funny thing is if you framed it differently and said, “when I grow up I want to dedicate myself to the care and well-being of other human beings, asking little from them, but giving all that I have to them.” Bono would write a friggin’ song about you.
In this day and age, boys aren’t supposed to want to grow up to be stay at home dads. They are supposed to want to grow up wanting to be something, anything, but not a stay at home dad!
Most of the stay at home dads I know are SAHDs who had other plans that changed for one of a few reasons:
Situational– they are completely unemployable and were lucky enough to “marry up.” Not that running a Chipotle isn’t noble work (any job is) but when you are working busting tables and your wife is a corporate attorney, the situation dictates who is going to give up their “career,” and tend to the kids.
Choice: I know some amazing dads, who were Marines, businessmen
and leaders in their industry. They were able to make the life choice to stay at home and be with their kids, because they “could.” These guys have climbed a few “mountains” and reached a certain level of success and were able to gear back and be with their kids.
Guys Who Work From Home: These guys have managed to balance both staying at home and working. It ain’t easy, but they get it done and many do it so very well.
All that being said, I am pretty sure a large majority of them never dreamed they were going to be a stay at home dad when they were in school.
It would be great if there was racial equality, if women made as much as men, if there was peace and harmony in the world, but the cold hard facts are that all of those topics come with a struggle and sacrifice and I am not sure if the world is or will ever be ready for the boy who wants to be a stay at home dad.
Post Script- Since that conversation “the boy” has announced he want’s to be a Skylander, work at a Subway, drive a fire truck and be a ninja when he grows up.
