BC– Before Children, I used to call my wife by her first name, as we drank wine, discussed things we read in the paper, worked out or walked for the sake of enjoying each others company and not “getting in our steps!”
ACK–After Children/Kids, She is now “Mommy, Honey, Babe or Wife.”
Mommy can you please get me a roll of toilet paper!! Someone “seemed “to forget to change the roll when she was done!
Honey, here’s a little math problem for you. When you can’t find your car keys and you take my car keys to work, that leaves how many sets of car keys for me to use all day?
Babe I do want to have “happy fun play time” but that last Guinness and burrito are playing Escape from Planet Daddy and I’m not all that “clean” “down there”. It’s a no fly zone.
Wife! Your son decided today was the day he was going to learn to wipe his as$ using an entire roll of toilet paper, clogging the toilet and flooding the entire second floor.
I’m not sure I even use her name during sex? Unless her name is “Are you sure you locked the bedroom door?”
Back to the point.
The only time I really use her name is when we are arguing and I am trying make a point. “You’re right Marie, we don’t need to have a 500 inch HD projection theater in the backyard, Marie, but Marie, since we are never going to make it to an actual movie theater again Marie, I thought it would be something we could both enjoy…. Marie!
Or…No Marie… I do not consider the time I spend mowing the lawn “alone time,” Marie. That’s not what I could consider a good time Marie. I never once when I was a single man, said “yup, I can’t wait for Saturday afternoon, so I can sweat my as# off trudging through the heat of the suburbs mowing the lawn! Nope Marie, I can’t recall ever saying that is fun to me….Marie!
NOTE- WIFE’S name isn’t Marie, but I do enjoy “happy, fun, play time” So let’s just go with Marie. shall we move on?
My wife’s name has become a four-letter word. When the Marie did that happen?
I am not the only one, WIFE is equally as guilty- You know David (actually my name) when you…ummmm…. That time you??? You know, I can’t actually think of anything I do wrong? I’ll use this as an example “Every time you are so giving of your time David and you spend so much time taking care of me emotionally and physically David...
Nope, doesn’t work, does it. Let’s move on:)
Anyway. I decided enough was enough and while we were at lunch, I politely said, “Marie, can you pass the salt?”
“What’s wrong with you!” She barked at me.
“Nothing is wrong at all Marie, I just want the salt.” I said as calmly as I could.
“I’m not in the mood to play a game with you, if something is wrong David (see, my name is also a four letter word) then just say it.” She was getting pretty mad, which was kind of an added bonus.
Why would you call me by my first name? She queried? It’s not cool and we have been having such a nice time! She barked, or bellowed? Both!
Before she hit me with a cinnamon roll, I explained to her what I was doing and why.
I miss “us.” I said.
Though we all generally turn into “parents”, I didn’t marry a “mom” or a babe or a honey. I married “Marie,” a sweet, funny, thoughtful woman, who stole my heart with her first kiss, tells corny jokes and can take over a dance floor.
She smiled at me put down the cinnamon roll and we just talked-David and Marie. A man, a woman, with names, ideas and dreams. Sure we were in the mall gobbling down food, before we had to pick up our kids from a birthday party and then soccer and then the doctor and then Costco and then…who the fu&k knows!
The point is, it was nice. We stopped being “everything else” and became “us.” If even for a few minutes.
Nothing is perfect. Well except Dwayne Johnson and BaconFest. Wait!!! Can you imagine if Dwayne Johnson went to BaconFest! Holy Marie, that would be amazing!
While we still slip into the Mommy, Daddy, Babe, Honey routine, we have been making an effort to call each other by our actual names and not just when were angry.
Our kids think it’s creepy.
In a small way, it reminds me that we are more than just Mommy and Daddy running from soccer to the changing table at the speed of light, we are people. We are a man and a woman who are in love, who have lived a lot, grown a lot together and are truly blessed to have three kids and a house full of pee stained walls.
Though she may never stop taking my car keys to work, or blocking me from turning our entire back yard into a water park…So I never have to mow again.
I am a lucky guy.
Try it. See what happens, call your spouse by their first name, just for fun. Just make sure nobody is packing a loaded cinnamon roll.
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